Tuesday, June 19, 2007

the blacktop motorcycle gang is now 8

yes. 8. last night joe blades had eric and biff on his radio show "ashes, paper, and beans" and he was assimilated into the blacktop motorcycle gang. joe's the one who did the post card art posted earlier. he writes, photos, publishes, paints, broadcasts, films and lots of other cool stuff. here he is broadcasting ...

his name and links would be at the right of this posting, 'cept I can't seem to figure out how to modify the template. but this will be done and, in the meantime, welcome to the literary blood pack, joe.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

When BTMGers Create ... the world shakes

It was a dark and stormless night when BTMG guy John said, "Ain't nothin' happenin'."

"'Cause we ain't makin' it happen," growled BTMG guy Old Skull.

"Remember that fuckhead's 21st Century balland, I Just Wanna Punch You In The Face?" barked John.

"Fuckin' A!" snarled Old Skull. "Let's create!"

And so the BlackTop MotorCyle Gangists created ...

And then they celebrated.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

One Day on the Patio at Wilsers

So there I was, sitting on the patio at Wilsers on a sunny Saturday afternoon and suddenly I'm surrounded by a member of the BlackTop MotorCycle Gang. I work up the courage to say, "Nice day when it rains beer, eh?" And he immediate countered with a symbolic summary of the ontological proof for the non-existence of intelligence in the human race ...

Seconds later, he and his friend were attacked and devoured by a horde of angry amoebas who were hiding in their beer glasses.

A random Leafs fan made fun of the devourment. After much debate the amoebas devoured him as well.

I checked my glass for one cell threats and quietly finished my beer.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Reading Raids & Dandelion Wine

If we read from the landing overlooking the food court, security will have an excuse to evict us. If we get a table (maybe with an umbrella) and just stand up one at a time and read, they'll just have to listen. We may have to buy a coffee from Tim's.

And now for Biff's recipe for dandelion wine ...

Wait till the first dandelion blossoms. Second and third are OK, but with successive blossoms, the flowers become increasingly bitter and that bitterness is carried over to the wine, causing the imbiber to become irritable and prone to listening to old Marilyn Manson recordings. Body cutting and facial tattooing may also ensue.

Pick 4 quarts of flowers making sure to get as little of the stem as possible. (BTW, the leaves make a great salad, especially with Italian dressing.)

Add the 4 quarts of flowers to 4 quarts of water in an open container. (Note: Make sure the container is clean and free of Ebola, Lassa Fever and E.coli 0157:H7.) Let the mixture sit for 6 to 7 days. It’s going to smell like death warmed over twice, so put it someplace where it won’t offend guests and loved ones.

After 6 or 7 days, strain the fluid until it’s as clear and free of flower top materials as possible. Cheese cloth or panty hose make great straining materials. You may have to repeat this process two or three times. (Note: Again, make sure everything is clean.)

Now, you should have just under 4 quarts of smelly dandelion liquid. To this, add 4 pounds of honey. For stronger wine, use 2 pounds of honey and 2 pounds of sugar. The taste won’t be a lot different, but you may wake up in a ditch somewhere in Zeeland.

Now, add an ounce of brewer’s yeast. You can buy this at the Bulk Barn or Scoop ‘n Save. If you use anything other than brewer’s yeast, your wine will taste like shit.

Now, add three lemons sliced into quarters. They’ll float around on the top of the liquid.

Let this mixture sit uncovered for 6 or 7 days. It’ll fizz a lot and smell awful at first, but the smell will improve somewhat as the mixture ferments. Scum will form on the surface. Ignore it. Just let the whole thing sit and pop away.

After 6 or 7 days, strain the mixture again, repeatedly, until the mixture is thoroughly clear. It’ll have a golden tint.

Pour it into bottles, but don’t cork or screw the top on until the mixture stops working (i.e., fizzing up). As soon as the fizzing stops, cork or screw top the bottle and let it sit in a cool dark place for at least a month. Three or four months is best.

When you open it, do so over a sink. It may be very bubbly, like Champagne. Don’t worry if it’s not bubbly. Dandelion wine has this weird thing about making up its own mind about whether it will be bubbly or not from year-to-year. Drink with great caution.

Some facts about dandelions:

Dandelions are NOT weeds! They are wild vegetables.

According to the USDA, dandelions are more nutritious than broccoli and spinach.

In Pueblo, Colorado it is illegal to grow dandelions.

Dandelions are helpful medicinally: as a diuretic, to cut fats, to reduce gas, for kidney stones, cancer, diabetes, to cleanse the blood, for weight reduction, for vision, for your skin and acne, for bowel functions, to lower blood pressure and serum cholesterol, and for anemia.

Dandelions may be used in many recipes, for beverages, omelets, salads, juices, gelatins, quiche, soup, pasta dishes, breads, pizza, gravy, dips, spreads, pies, cookies, jelly’s, waffles, fritters, wind, pudding, and even ice cream!

All parts of the dandelion are useable. The leaves for greens, the blossoms for wines and jelly, and the roots for coffee.